


That's Awesome (TM)

by EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid



Series: Hell's Yarns [2]
Category: Extreme Championship Wrestling, Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wrestling Terminology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid/pseuds/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid
Summary: Trying to keep himself away from his past, an alligator sells real estate.But that's never as easy as you wish it to be.
Series: Hell's Yarns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058714
Kudos: 1





	1. Rising up from the land of the gator

To most, selling real estate wouldn't sound like too bad a job. Normally, they'd be right. It's nice and sometimes even uneventful. At least, it was that way back on Earth.  
Not so much in Hell.

For quite some time, Hell has struggled with overpopulation - which is expected when the criteria for sinners are so easy to fill out. In fact, one such case is our subject for today.  
A tall alligator demon, sporting a glorious mullet, a pair of aviators with blue lenses, a pastel blue suit jacket and matching bell-bottom pants, with an open striped patterned undershirt beneath the jacket.  
He was driving back to his workplace after another successful sale, and after many a block of never-ending traffic jams, pulling up and seeing that his custom painted 1957 Chevrolet Series 6800 Superior bus was still parked parallel to the side of the building... well, it was relaxing.

As he left his car, he thought about what he did to get sent down here. If he had to guess, it must have to do with how his last few days went: an altercation with his significant other, leading to his arrest. She then left him, and feeling he no longer had anything to live for, hung himself.  
Yet, compared to others he heard about, it was chump change!  
Either it was that, or those Up There weren't big fans of the Land of Extreme.

Regardless, now entering his office, he took a seat behind his desk, and reflected on how he's been holding on so far. Not to brag, but he feels pretty good about himself - helped out by how, without fail, one person would say that he was 'awesome' during his sales.  
Hearing that word made him smile. It was especially nice when, recently, after he sold him a building, an imp with an assassination business gathered his employees to tell him how awesome he was.

While he was lost in thought, the door swung open. Three armed demons burst in, smirks on their faces.  
"A'ight, Thrillagator. We know you gots some cheese out here, so hand it over and ya ain't gettin' hurt. Much." The leader, a canine fellow, motioned to Thrillagator as if he'd _willingly_ hand the money over.  
Slowly getting up from his chair, the 6'6" alligator demon casually walked to a nearby chair, presumably to sit down and grab some cash from a drawer. "Okay, just... move on closer, so I can give it to you easier."  
The canine demon told one of his two acolytes to move to their target, who started smiling once the fool was in range. He did *not*, in fact, sit down - he was bending over to pick the chair up, and hit the demon over the head with it as hard as he could.

The other acolyte, an avian demon, drew his gun and started shooting at Thrillagator, the bullets only grazing him as he charged forwards, slamming the shooter into the wall and knocking the wind out of him. Taking this opportunity, he snatched his gun, and shot him in the face.  
With both lackeys neutralized, there was only the canine left. "O-Okay, man... just... I'll leave, okay? Don't hurt me, dude." He pleaded, but to no avail.

Thrillagator punched him in the gut, before hauling him up above his shoulders and getting a running start towards the window to the outside. Launching him off his shoulders and through the glass, the would-be robber fell several feet before his back impacted the top of the bus outside. Obviously, he took the brunt of the damage - and his launcher was pretty sure he'd be sliding off the top and onto the pavement soon enough.

With that done, Thrillagator could rest properly for the night.  
He could deal with not going to heaven after all. Because he was something that most weren't.  
He was Awesome.


	2. He's a modern day gladiator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sub-optimal day leads to Thrillagator accepting a special appearance at an event.

"I'm getting real sick of seeing that fucking billboard."  
Thrillagator stared out the window of his office, glaring right at the billboard atop the building right in front of his.  
'Fake Food Truck', what the hell was the point of that shit? He didn't pay to sit here and look at a porn billboard! He was gonna right this wrong real quick.

The phone kept ringing, until finally he heard the voice of the demon he was looking for. "Yes, who is this? I'm a busy overlord-"  
"Vox! This is Thrillagator, and I have something to ask of you." The real estate salesman sounded none too pleased, but he tried to keep it in check when speaking to the TV demon.  
"The... real estate guy? Okay, what is it?"  
"VoxMedia owns the digital billboards around town, right? Well, could you _please_ change the fucking Fake Food Truck one in front of my building to something less man-ass centric?" He could barely hold in his disgust at even having to _say_ that. Luckily, Vox seemed willing to hear it out.

"Sure. Besides, pretty sure Val wants to distance himself from the star of those right about now. It should be gone... now." And right on cue, it fluttered away to show an ad for Dahmer's cooking show. Eh, less bad than checking out spider cheeks on the regular.  
"Thanks, Vox." And with that, Thrillagator hung up.  
Just in time, because somebody knocked on the door.  
"Come in!"

The demon who came in was just about the last one Thrillagator expected. A muscled wolverine demon, standing 5'11" and wearing a casual outfit of a tanktop and jeans.  
Ol' Toothless, he came to be known down here. But Thrillagator knew him by another name.  
Chris Benoit.

"Hi Chris. What do you want?" He didn't exactly like talking to the shorter demon - it was never a fun time whenever they had to speak to each other.  
Taking a seat in front of the desk, Toothless shrugged, taking a deep breath before speaking up. "You know, I've been... telling you about this for a while, but um... yeah, we rented out the warehouse and we booked a bunch of the guys. But we really need something special to make this worth the investment. We need _you,_ Mike."  
"Chris..." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm retired from all that, you know. I don't wanna get back into it... and I'd think you'd learn your lesson and stay away too, with what you've done." A brief snarl exited Toothless, showing to Thrillagator that the name was not exactly representative of the truth.

By this point in his day, he didn't feel like angering the wolverine any more, so he sat down behind the desk and spoke again. "How much is it? The payout for the event, I mean."  
"Considering Prince Stolas is attending, I'd say... about enough to refurbish your office." At that, Thrillagator was given pause. As much as he didn't want to admit it, the place was starting to fall apart.  
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so with a heavy sigh he nodded. "Okay, I'll do your thing. But it's just for one night."  
Toothless chuckled at that. "So, a... _One Night Stand_ then?"  
God damn you, Chris.

\---

Standing behind the curtain, Thrillagator was honestly surprised at the attendance - maybe he really _was_ that big a name? Scanning the crowd from the Gorilla Position, he spotted the owl, and alongside him was the imp he had sold a building to a while back. Huh.

Place felt a lot like the old bingo hall, honestly. And he could deal with that. At least this was already paying him more than Paul E. ever had during both world title reigns he had. And Taz wasn't gonna be brought in to take the title off him this time either.  
Sucking up his guts, Thrillagator waited for the ring announcer to finish introducing himself and began to speak about him.

"... Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a special treat tonight! For one night only, we got him to come out of retirement. Please welcome him... you may know him as Thrillagator now, but he was once a two-time ECW World Heavyweight Champion in life. Give it up... for _Mike Awesome!_ "

His old music hit, and he made his way down to the squared circle.  
And for just one night, he briefly felt alive again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm surprised there's no character tag for Mike Awesome.  
> Also, interesting little factoid: I actually wrote this _before_ I wrote "One of those Nights" but, in the tradition of Missing in Action, the second one made got released first because it's better.


End file.
